Stepping out of my shell... one day at a time!

I want to start my post off by saying thank you to Marla at http://stolenbonbon.blogspot.com/ . I entered a few giveaways during the Blog Carnival Giveaway. Marla was hosting 5 days of giveaways and I had entered her second day giveaway (also the very first day I entered a giveaway!) and I won this great package. I originally won the Fireproof movie and book but Marla also through in the soundtrack. I plan for my husband and I to watch the movie tonight. Thank you, Marla!

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I have been needing to sit down and write a post for a few days, but I have been busy. Of course this is nothing new moms are busy all the time. The busy that I have been has been fun busy. Now I should probably preface this with the fact that I don't like to leave my house and I really need a lot of motivation to do so. I will also state for the record that I am not a creepy recluse that peeks out the window of her darkened house either! It's just I am perfectly content at home or at least that is what I have convinced myself of. You see I don't exactly like this about myself, generally because once I actually do leave the house, I enjoy myself so much. I sometimes wonder if it is the way I grew up. My parents are wonderful, but we didn't do much.. no playgroups, not too many outdoor activities. I have a sister who is 5 1/2 years older, a sister who is 9 years younger and a brother who is 11 years younger. Quite an age gap to be my playmates, so I was always at home left to play by myself. I also didn't have many, if any friends. I was pretty lonely as a child growing up. Lonely is what I became familiar with and how I went through a good portion of my life. Lonely became my comfort zone and I find myself constantly battling this within me because no matter who you are or how you grew up lonely doesn't work. Reading this back to myself I must also state that I am married to a wonderful man, I have 3 beautiful children. The lonely I speak of is that of the companionship of friendship, of motherhood, of wifedom.. the girlfriend bond. I have Jennifer who is my dear friend but we live far enough away that we don't meet up as much as we would like. I sometimes find myself thinking about my childhood and I wonder what was wrong with me to not have had friends or even that special friend. I get saddened by it and it carries over to me even today. I am no longer 9 years old, 15 years old, I am a grown married women who can control certain aspects of her life. I have lived here for 3 1/2 years and my friendships are at a distance. I have friends. I have not nurtured those friendships possibly out of fear, or of insecurities of my childhood, or of insecurities of today. In all honesty I really don't know why, but I know at this point right now something needs to change, I want it to change, I want to change. I know I have digressed here and I am kind of scratching my head over it, but I suppose it was to say I got out of the house, I socialized, I am starting, and I want to continue.. I also want a different childhood for my children. I want them to have those friendships, those moments of joy, those moments they can look back on and say, I was never lonely as a child. I need to do that for my children, for myself......

The month of February has been a good month and here are a few things I have done with my children and by myself..

First up was a playgroup date with my MOPS group. We went to the library where Steve from the Hullabaloo band put on a concert: http://www.hullabalooband.com/ It was the first time I had seen this band and I ended up buying two of their CD's. Abigail couldn't stop dancing, she loved it so much. I stayed and chatted with a few of the moms and then headed home for lunch and naps.

On February 5th I went to our first MOPS book club night. I had a wonderful time discussing the book "The Shack" and getting to know my MOPS moms a little better.

Then on Tuesday February 10th I hosted a Valentine's Day party for my MOPS moms and kids. It was a blast and I realized I love hosting playgroup parties. We did crafts ate some great food and once again enjoyed good conversation. It was my Martha Stewart moment. This wasn't the last party for the week either. Yesterday I offered my house for another Valentine's party (someone else was actually the hostess) so two days in one week my house was filled with mom conversation and a ton of kids playing. I love every moment of it. This is a full month for me with a few more activities on the calendar. I know like anything it requires baby steps. I will get out more and I know I will love it when I do. I just need those reminders that I am someone special, I am someone worth knowing, I am fearfully and wonderfully made and because of that I can......